Long time no see!

Hi there, apologies for the silence. It's been a while since I last wrote anything! No excuses, just been a bit crap.

But have I got lots to tell you!

A lot has happened in two years. I am still standing, and have been MS relapse free for the last three and a half years. The drug natalizumab (Tysabri) that I was put on in Nov 2007 has been working wonders. Not one relapse since, I have to say I have nearly forgotten what it fells like to have a relapse, although I am still living with the disabilities of my previous relapses. Definitely not bad going though considering I was relapsing badly every six months. So no complaints there. I have to walk with a crutch all the time now, balance is still my main problem and I still fall often. Bruises, scrapes and cuts come with the territory, but no broken teeth or stitches like before now. I still get tired easily, I can only really do one main thing in a day before I become non-functional.

Life is so quiet now, sometimes I don't quite know what to do with myself. Bar hospital appointments, I go to the gym now and have lost 10kg in two years and gone down two dress sizes. Great news, I feel better for it but now I just can't afford to buy new clothes and am forever regretting chucking out all my old clothes! Man, did I have some gorgeous tops, handbags and shoes. Well, there's nothing I can do about the shoes, as high heels are still a definite no no. I still have a few kilos more to go before I am back to the weight I was before I got ill.

OK, time to rest now. I promise I will write soon!

When it's over, it's over.....

A quick update before my drugs take effect and I pass out.....

My new year's resolution is not going well at all, and it's only March!!

My PhD funding got terminated at the end of January, due to my lack of progress, so they said. Lack of progress - surely they knew why I was lacking in progress?!!  The university had covered their tracks so well that I don't think I am able to sue for discrimination, and it was blantant discrimination.  My ex-supervisor has been a complete bastard and a coward.  He didn't even have the guts to tell me face to face or by phone.  Instead he just wrote a pathetic letter.  

They knew I had MS.  They knew I was suffering from depression, when there are days I can hardly get out of bed.  They knew I have suicidal thoughts.  They knew I was going blind and can't read very well.  They knew I have memory and concentration problems.  They knew I suffer from severe fatigue.  They knew it all, because I had told them right from the start.

My dream of being a PhD is no more.  This was my second chance of doing a PhD.  Right before I was diagnosed nearly five years ago, I was applying to do one.  Obviously that ended.  I thought I could finally fulfill my ambition with this PhD, but that ended also.

Is this the price I have to pay for having MS....?

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